To Be A Family
by Goshujin Megami-Sama
Summary: What I wrote for my essay. It's bad. Don't judge. It may be sad/angsty, I don't know. I tried. Nyo!Belarus, Nyo!Ukraine and Nyo!Russia. Summary: Nikolai just wants to be a family. Why can't Dimitri and Anya see that? He loved them both very dearly. So why..? Why do they push him away?


_**So, actually, this was an assignment I had to do... Yeah... Don't judge. An essay.**_

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Question: _2\. Write about a time when a celebration turned out to be a disaster._

 _Brief plan:_

 _Theme:_ Understanding deeper than what is shown. Look underneath the underneath.

 _Setting:_ Nikolai's 21st birthday party at a booked bar/club.

 _Characters: -_ Nikolai (main character; youngest brother)

-Anya (middle child; female; main character)

-Dimitri (oldest brother; main character)

-Alfred (Anya's crush; side character)

-Others (friends; background characters)

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 _Story:_

She looked perfect tonight, as always. With the booming background music and multi-coloured lights shining down upon her, she looked like the Goddess of love and beauty, Aphrodite, gracing the pathetic mortals on earth with her divine presence. Staring longingly at her while she danced, he let out a wistful sigh. How he absolutely adored her. He was quite certain that they were meant-to-be. If possible, he would find a way to keep her beauty eternal; to always keep her youthful shine and the twinkle in her eyes alive.

Through the thundering music, he could hear a soft patter of footsteps heading towards him. Barely turning his gaze away from the woman who held his heart in her palm, he grunted out in a low voice, "Yes, Big Brother Dimitri?"

A nervous chuckle rang out. "W-w-well, little b-brother, it's t-ti-time to cut your c-c-ca-cake," his big brother, Dimitri, informed in fright, stumbling and stuttering over his words.

Ah, yes. His cake. He had totally forgotten that they were here to celebrate his 21st birthday. Both his older siblings and some of their other friends had planned out a birthday celebration for him and had booked a club for said celebration. Why bother? He knew they knew that he did not care for these type of things. Why waste time?

With a grunt, he slid out of his sit at the bar counter and walked towards the love of his life, without sparing his older brother a glance. "I'll get her," was all he said.

With calm and steady strides, he approached her. "Anya," he called out, his voice forever stoic and monotonous, his face always set in a slight scowl. Anya frozed in place, painstakingly slowly turning around to face him. "N-Nikolai! Y-y-yes? Wh-what can I h-help you with?" she whispered as she shook in her boots, voice wavering with fear and distrust.

"Marry me."

"Wh-what?"

"Big Sister Anya. Marry me."

"N-no!"

At her response, he scowled and grabbed her wrist before chanting continuously like a mantra, "Marry me. Marry me. Big Sister Anya, marry me. Marry me."

Her expression was similar to a deer caught in headlights as she wrenched her arm free from his grip and immediately turned tail and fled from the scene, towards the oblivious albeit impatient crowd surrounding the cake. His chest started to hurt. His heart throbbed. It hurt. It hurt so much. Why, why does she continue to reject him? Could she not see his love for her? Why does she fear him so? Why does she cause him so much heartbreak? Why was she so very willing to give her love to another? Was he not good enough for her?

His palms started to hurt from how tight he was clenching his fists, the skin nearly tearing from how deep his fingernails were digging into it. They were sure to leave marks after this. He slowly made his way over to his birthday cake, just wanting to get it over and done with. With his face set in a dangerous, murderous glare, he grabbed the knife as everyone started singing the birthday song.

Once the song was over, he tiredly closed his eyes and let out a weary sigh. " _I wish... I wish that Big Sister Anya would one day love me and no longer fear me like she does now."_ He then softly blew out the candles, feeling a pang of sadness and loneliness as he already knew, deep, deep down, that wishes never came true.

He slowly blinked his eyes open at the loud sound of clapping and cheering. Everyone was now either eating cake or drinking champagne. From the corner of his eye, he saw Dimitri and An- _that woman_ standing near each other. His crybaby of a big brother was standing a few feet away from A- _his mean sister_ who was... flirting with that American boy?

No, no! She would never! She knew perfectly well how much he loved her, yet she was throwing those disgusting words of lust and fake love with another man right in front of him? He knew she was mean, but to be this cruel and heartless to him? Why can she not understand how much pain she was putting him through? And that defenseless older brother of his was just standing around and even watching it with a stupid smile? How could he? Dimitri was Nikolai's older brother, he should be supporting him! Not that obnoxious American!

With narrowed eyes, he hissed through clenched teeth as he stomped towards Alfred, the American. Big sister was his! She belonged to him! How dare he talk to her in that manner?

He reached out and roughly grabbed Anya by her arm, pulling her behind him as he moved in between Alfred and his _beloved_ big sister. That was when everything descended into chaos.

"Bloody American! She's mine! Don't touch her! She belongs to me! BACK OFF!" the normally stoic and poker-faced boy began screaming out in rage, his eyes shining with pure, raw, fury. If looks could kill, Alfred would have died a billion times over.

"Dude, chill out! I was just talking to her!" was the defensive response he got from the irritating and annoying blonde in front of him.

"YOU WERE FLIRTING! DON'T TRY TO LIE TO ME! SHE'S MINE! BIG SISTER IS MINE!" he yelled in blind rage. All he saw was red as he swiftly pulled back his clenched fist and with strength and speed, swung his fist forward. "Nikolai! No!" Anya screamed. For once, he ignored her as he smirked in satisfaction when his fist made contact.

A loud smacking noise reverberated throughout the club followed by a thundering thud. Anya loudly gasped and cried out, rushing to the American's side, "Alfred! Oh dear, Alfred, are you alright?" She tenderly touched his red and bruised cheek, helping him stand up on his two feet.

He could not take it anymore. Seeing his sister caring for Alfred in a way she had never done to him, treating him with tender kindness and just being so nice, recalling the way she always recoiled away from him in fear and distrust, watching his older brother stutter in fear when in his presence, both his siblings distancing themselves away from him, fearing him, not trusting him, hating him, never smiling at him, crying because of him, he could no longer handle the pressure weighing down on his shoulders.

He dropped to his knees in front of Anya, his palms over his eyes as his shoulders shook. He clutched his face. His eyes were throbbing. Why were they throbbing? It hurts a lot. His palms were getting wet. Why were they getting wet? Where did the water come from? Did it come from his eyes? Was he... crying?

What was happening? Everything hurt. His eyes burned. His head pounded unforgivably. His fist hurt from punching Alfred. His knees hurt from dropping down so roughly. However, his chest, his heart, it hurt. It hurt, it pounded, it _burned so badly that he wanted to just curl up into a ball on the floor and cry._ Why? What was happening to him? This had never happened before. He could not understand. Everything was too overwhelming for him. He felt so, very tired.

Curling up in a ball in front of Anya, and Dimitri, with Alfred a little behind them, he sobbed, shoulders shaking, hiccups escaping his lips with his left hand clenching his hair tightly, and tears streaming down his face like a never-ending river, his right hand slid down to his chest, clutching the place where his heart was.

"Why...?" he choked out. "Why, Big Sister Anya? Why, Big Brother Dimitri? How... HOW COULD YOU?" he screamed out in agony, shutting his eyes tightly as his mind only registered the pain he felt.

"N-Nikolai?" whispered Dimitri hesitantly. Everyone else that came for the celebration were shocked to the core by the scene in front of their eyes. Nikolai... was having a _breakdown._

When Nikolai did not get up from his position, Anya croaked, "N-Nikolai, br-brother, what's w-wrong?"

"What's wrong? WHAT'S WRONG?" Nikolai hissed, getting up onto his knees, his left hand still covering his eye and his right hand still clutching his chest. With snot and tears still dripping down, he cried out, "What's wrong... you ask. What's _wrong_ is that _it hurts._ Why? Why does it hurt so much? Why, Dimitri, Anya, why won't you love me?"

"Wh-what do yo-you mean-n? O-of c-co-course we l-l-love you, N-Nikolai!" Dimitri trembled.

 _"NO YOU DON'T! DON'T LIE TO ME! YOU FEAR ME. YOU DON'T TRUST ME. YOU HATE ME. YOU TRY TO DISTANCE YOURSELF FROM ME! HOW DOES ONE CALL THAT LOVE? IS SHOWING FEAR, DISTRUST AND HATE, LOVE?_ Do you know, my lungs are failing from inhaling all the charcoal from the circle of hate and lies you've built around me? Around us? _"_ Nikolai roared, his face twisting into an ugly expression.

Dimitri and Anya stood still, eyes wide. Anya had her hand covering her mouth while Dimitri had taken a step back in shock and slight fear.

"Why won't you love me?" Nikolai whispered hoarsely, his throat sore from all the shouting and yelling. Tears were gathering in his eyes once again. "Why do you fear me so? What have I done wrong? Why do you run away from me? God, how dare you? It's unfair you deny me of love that I so desperately want. Love that I yearn, crave for."

"N-Nikolai..."

He's hoarse voice wavered and cracked. "Why.. is the distance between us so far? I can't.. It's so far that _I can't see you anymore._ I want to catch up but.. you're so far away, how could I? Every time I try to reach you, you walk away faster, leaving me behind. Why.. do you leave me behind? What have I ever done? _Why won't you love me? WHY CAN'T WE BE A FAMILY?"_

"O-of course we can, Nikolai! Both your sister and I love you very much! You're our precious little brother after all!" Dimitri said sadly. "I-it's just that... you scare us a lot with your obsession with Anya. Also, the fact that you'll stab others when angry makes us quite weary of you. We're sorry, Nikolai. We really are! We can be a family, as long as you stop being so obsessed with our sister and quit asking her to marry you all the time!"

Eyes widening, Nikolai could feel his shoulders tremble as he immediately reached out and wrapped his arms around Anya's waist, burying his face into her stomach as his tears left a wet stain on her coat. Anya tensed in response as her little brother cried silently into her stomach.

"I-I just thought that if I was scary enough to others, they won't d-disturb the both of y-you anymore! B-Big Bro-Brother Dimitri wouldn't get bullied anymore and he won't cry! I-I th-thought that if-f B-Big S-Sister Anya married me, she would love me then. And if Big Sister Anya loved me, Big Brother D-Dimitri would love me as well. I thought that i-if I married Big S-Sister An-Anya, my family won't fall apart, that they would finally love me, that they won't fear me and l-leave m-me beh-behind! Our family would stay together then, r-right? _All I wanted was for my precious beloved family to stick together and be happy, to love one another."_

 _"Ni-Nikolai..."_ both Dimitri and Anya thought sadly. A tear escaped Anya's eye as she dropped down to her knees and for the first time, wrapped her arms around her little brother. Dimitri too, fell to his knees as he brought his younger siblings closer to him. Now, all three were crying.

Anya thought back to all the times Nikolai asked her to marry him. Something always flashed in his eyes when she would reject him before it disappeared just as fast as it appeared. " _All this while, Nikolai only wanted to help out. He only wanted what he thought was best for us. And yet, why did we not see it? How did we not notice it? So he got jealous when I showed care and concern for Alfred. It was because I was willing to show it to some American, yet I'm not willing to show it to a family member,"_ she thought dejectedly, tears streaming down her face as she buried her face into Nikolai's hair, who was clinging onto her as if his life depended on it.

Dimitri bit his lip and sobbed. " _He just wanted to protect me, and I shunned him, feared him. I'm the oldest, and yet, I can't take responsibility. I'm so pathetic. All I am is a good for nothing crybaby!"_ At that, he brought his siblings closer to himself.

"Ni-Nikolai," Anya whimpered. "I'm so sorry! I'm so, very, sorry!"

"Me too! Nikolai, please, f-fo-forgive m-me!" Dimitri cried. "We'll be a family ag-again. I-I pro-promise! A great, c-caring, lo-loving one!"

On that night, the broken family of three sat, huddled closely to each other on the floor of a club, crying in each other's arms. However, with no more misunderstandings between them, the broken family was no more, replaced by a great and loving one.

" _Yeah. We'll be a family. From now on. Forever, and always."_

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 _ **Tell meh whatcha think in the reviews!**_


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